I’m a Singer
Hi everyone! It’s been a couple of weeks since my last blog post, but I learned a lot, more so about myself than anything.
To be personal, I was feeling Imposter Syndrome. I didn’t realize my obstacle until I was nervous in front of my accompanist “because I feel like I’m a beginner.” The main reason I had a hard time singing and feeling insecure about it was that my mindset of myself was that I am a “beginner.”
I need to give myself more credit and treat myself more as a professional.
For the past few years, I considered myself a beginner in singing. When I introduced myself to people, I usually say “I’m an aspiring singer.” And sometimes, I did that for my acting career, too; “I’m an aspiring actor.” …Why?
I’ve been coached for years…rhetorically, how long will it has to be until I stopped calling myself “aspiring?”
My acting coach has told me that I am an actor as soon as I start pursuing it. I’ve been taking classes and booking (small) roles for years, so I owned that part about myself. But when it comes to singing, I have only sung on stage by myself once - and that was last year (I guess choir also counts, so there’s that, too). So it was different for me to say that I am a singer.
But if I change my mindset to thinking that I am a professional, I will feel more confident. And when I did that for the past couple of weeks, that has changed the way I’ve been practicing, too.
However, it’s just not singing and acting…I’ve always had Imposter Syndrome in almost everything. When I step out of my comfort zone to achieve a goal, I am my own worst enemy. I never thought I was competent enough to do the things I love or need to do for a long time. I got out of my comfort zone in college, and from those days until now… it’s always been the same emotions and insecurities that opened up in front of other people whenever I get nervous and anxious.
I was insecure during my last semester in college because I did not feel that I had a lot of experience on my resume…but I eventually got a full-time job. I was nervous to act a whole scene in a play I booked because it was my first time acting for a show at a community theatre, but I made everyone laugh throughout the scene. A few weeks ago, I almost didn’t email my application for a role in an opera libretto workshop because I didn’t think I was qualified enough. But I’m about to host my own recital!
But despite all of that, I know that I have grown throughout the years. I’m still working on myself to become more of a confident person, but I am a much better person today than I was 5 years, 2 years, or even 6 months ago. I updated my resume last week since there was a job opening at my company that I was a great fit for, and I am proud of the work experiences I have. I’ve been progressing tremulously on my singing as I am getting closer to my recital. Also, when I am trying something new for fun, I find myself enjoying the process.
In the end, I should stop apologizing for who I am. It’s easier than it sounds, but I think it’s a big stepping stone when you are aware of it.
I’m a singer. I’m an actor. And I probably will have 20 more things I will be in my lifetime. Until next time, thanks for reading. :)